Tag Archives: christian sarcasm

Doubt of the Month: Easter

Easter has become about this.

Easter has become about this…

It seems like Easter sneaks up on me every year. Maybe it’s because the date of Easter jumps so haphazardly around the calendar like it’s a cricket trapped in a shoebox. Perhaps it sneaks up on me because I’m too busy eating the chocolate eggs that appear in the store on February 15th.

But I think the actual reason Easter sneaks up on me is because I don’t prepare for Easter. Not only that, many of our churches fail to prepare for Easter- at least not like they prepare for Christmas. In my church we start singing Christmas hymns on December 1st. We hang the green. We decorate the sanctuary with ten feet tall (at least) Christmas trees. We have a church-wide Christmas dinner. We give gifts to families. We construct a living nativity scene complete with live sheep, goats and a donkey. We even have a life-size wooden nativity set that sits in a window over the main entrance to the church and which probably cost $25,000- or something equally ridiculous.

What do we do for Easter? Nothing.

We don’t begin singing Easter hymns weeks before Easter. We don’t decorate the church for Easter. We don’t give anything to the community. We definitely don’t have a $25,000 life-sized wooden Easter scene.


It seems like Easter sneaks up on me every year.


It seems like we don’t really care about Easter like we care about Christmas, VBS, Halloween alternative events, Thanksgiving or summer camp.

In light of all this, I’m doubting Easter. I doubt that Easter means anything to the modern Christian church.

instead of about this. "Resurrection of Christ" by Marco Basaiti, 1520

instead of about this. “Resurrection of Christ” by Marco Basaiti, 1520

Obviously, I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek here, although not as much as I would like. Hopefully your church prepares for Easter and thankfully there are churches and denominations that truly prepare for Easter thought the observance of Ash Wednesday, Lent, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday.


I doubt that Easter means anything to the modern Christian church.


What does it mean to those inside our churches and outside our churches when we seemingly emphasize every other holiday and every other event over Easter?

Theologically, it shows that we don’t understand God’s plan and our own salvation. God’s plan and our salvation culminate in the Resurrection of Easter morning and nothing else. God’s plan wasn’t only the incarnation that we celebrate at Christmas. By our attention and money, however, to those inside and outside the church the culmination and of God’s plan for our salvation ranks low on the list of priorities.

Socially, it shows that we are just as consumer driven as the culture around us. We love Christmas because of the gifts. We love Halloween for the candy. We love Thanksgiving for the food. In many ways we are just as consumer driven as the culture around us. Easter isn’t one of the sexy holidays- unless you’re into Peeps and pastel colors and because it’s not one of the sexy holidays it get forgotten.

Evangelistically, it shows that the message of Jesus isn’t important for those around us. If the Resurrection and Easter are the central and culminating work of God for our salvation, what does it show those around us when it barely makes a blip on our radar? It shows that the message of Jesus isn’t very important to us and it isn’t very important for those around us.

Easter shouldn’t sneak up on us and it shouldn’t merely be another day. It should be the highlight of our calendar year and the celebration of our whole lives.

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear From a Mission Trip

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Summer is the time of year for mission trips- trips across the city, the country or even across the world. And when a group of people go to far-off and strange lands, many things could go wrong and require a phone call home to explain. So whether you are a pastor, minister, deacon, or family member here are the top ten things you don’t want to hear from a mission trip.

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear From a Mission Trip:

10. I got confused on the whole kilometers per hour to miles per hour conversion…

9. The police are way nicer back home…

8. I’m not real proficient in the language, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t say that…

Not in the budget?

Not in the budget?

 

7. You haven’t turned on the news yet, have you?

6. So the first class upgrades are not in the mission trip budget?

5. They say any publicity is good publicity…

4. I think our travel agent mistook Paris, TX for Paris, France…

3. Hypothetically, if two students get married outside the United States, would it still be legal when they got back?

2. On the flight home, I noticed that we were one person short…but I’m sure he can find his way home.

And the number one thing you don’t want to hear from a mission trip…

1. How would you define “international incident?”

 

Thanks for playing along.

Other Top 1o Lists:

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Youth Camp

Top 10 Bible Halloween Costumes You Probably Won’t See

 

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Youth Camp

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After several weeks of serious blog posts, I thought it would be good to lighten the mood a little with another Top 10 list.

I could imagine that a pastor’s greatest time of stress each year is when the Youth Minister takes students to youth camp. That is the inspiration behind this Top 10 list.

Top 10 Things A Pastor Doesn’t Want to Hear from the Youth Minister When Students are at Camp:

10. It could have been worse…

9. I don’t know how he got it on the bus…

8. After the smoke cleared…

7. We wanted to see how high it would bounce…

6. The church carries liability, right…?

5. It’s never done that before…

4. The band sang “Set a Fire” but we didn’t hear where…

3. I thought the tattoos were temporary…

2. Will the church reimburse for bail money?

And the number 1 thing that a pastor doesn’t want to hear from the youth minister when students are at camp…

1. You can still live a productive life with 9 toes…

Top 10 Bible Halloween Costumes

The top 10 Bible costumes you probably won’t see this Halloween- and what you need to make them.

10. Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11)    What you’ll need: Wet hair and a bath towel and preferably be a female.

9. Gomer (Hosea 1)    What you’ll need: Umm…just read the story. Think Pretty Woman meets Gladiator. 

8. Goliath (1 Samuel 17)    What you’ll need: Be tall (7 feet tall, at least) and go ahead and cut your own head off.

7. Mary (Luke 1)    What you’ll need: A dress and a pillow; who doesn’t love a pregnant teenager?

6. The Rich Young Ruler (Matthew 19)    What you’ll need: I picture this guy looking like Mr. T.

5. Balaam (Numbers 22)    What you’ll need: A talking donkey, that’s all.

4. Elisha (2 Kings 2)    What you’ll need: A baldhead and access to two female bears (preferably hungry bears).

3. Isaiah (Isaiah 20)    What you’ll need: Nothing. Just walk around naked.

2. Jael (Judges 4)    What you’ll need: A hammer and a tent stake; people might think you’re a vampire hunter but remember your stake goes through the head, not the heart.

 

And the #1 Bible costume that you probably won’t see this Halloween…

Eglon (Judges 3)    What you’ll need: A sword, brown spray paint and to weigh about 300 lbs. Think Jabba the Hut killed with a sword. 

Tim Tebow Goes #1 in Pat Robertson’s Fantasy Football Draft

Apparently Pat Robertson is looking for an NFL GM job. On his 700 Club show, Robertson came to the aid of Tim Tebow, blasting the Dever Broncos decision to sign Payton Manning and trade Tebow to the New York Jets.

On his show Robertson said, “I think the Denver Broncos treated him shabbily…and you just ask yourself, ok, so Payton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback but he’s been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback and in my opinion it would serve them right.”

What Pat is saying (without saying) is that he believes God would be right in “striking Payton Manning down” because the Broncos traded the Christian Tim Tebow.

Let me first say that I don’t have anything against Tim Tebow. I have never met him; I’ve only seen what everyone else has seen on TV and heard from the NFL experts.

However, when can we, as Christians, pull our heads out of our own rear-ends and realize that not everything is Liberals, Democrats, Socialists, Hollywood, or even the NFL exercising some anti-Christian agenda. Sometimes decisions are based on economics, performance or the best scenario for both parties involved.

When Pat Robertson makes everything “us vs. them” he gains even more power and even more control over those who truly believe his message. And when he calls God’s wrath down upon an NFL team, for making the football decision that anybody in their position would make, he is, in essence, saying if God will avenge Tim Tebow, how much more will God avenge me if anybody comes after me. It is using God as an excuse to say anything he wants.   

On the other hand, maybe Pat Robertson just wants to be hired as a NFL GM.

© Ryan Vanderland 2012