A Review of Altared: The True Story of a She, a He, and How They Both Got Too Worked Up About We by “Claire” and “Eli”
It seems like our culture has never been more divided on the issue of marriage. In a March 22, 2012 article published by the US Centers for Disease Control states “despite high expectations that they will eventually marry, many young adults in the United States are postponing first marriage.” In the meantime, cohabitation is on the rise with over half of men and women who enter first marriages, living together before hand. The CDC reports that the median age of first marriages in the US is 25.8 for women and 28.3 for men.
At the same time our society keeps developing more and more means by which singles can meet, date and pursue marriage. These include dating websites, books, workshop and seminars; all of them with the intention of becoming the means through which meeting the “one” takes place.
What does all of that have to do with the book Altared? In the book, Claire and Eli (the authors’ pseudonyms) attempt to talk about this issue within a Christian culture and specifically within the struggle between marriage and singleness. This book’s discussion of these issues flows around the narrative of their own romantic (or sometimes, lack thereof) story.
The book begins with Claire and Eli “meeting” over emails and each of their confessions that they were marriage-happy singles in a desperate search for the “one.” They define marriage-happy as “having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals” (9).
It is from this definition, and their personal story, from which the book is birthed. Claire and Eli begin where all marriages begin- love. They spend several chapters looking at a broader understanding of love; love not just in romance and marriage but love for one’s neighbor and love for one’s enemy, self-sacrificing love. Without spoiling anything, I hope, the book moves on to the themes of loneliness and solitude where the authors try to paint a picture of these two conditions as means through which we know God deeper and more intimately.
The main question Altared attempts to answer is: “Why doesn’t singleness get the same treatment, respect and “air time” within Christianity as marriage?” And it is this question that they authors do not fully answer. Yes, the authors look at the bigger pictures of love, selfishness, self-sacrifice, loneliness and solitude but they ask a question they never answer.
That may be the point of the book- just to ask the question- but I feel the place to begin to search for an answer is fairly obvious. The beginning of the answer boils down to a question of whether one views Christian gender roles as complementarian or egalitarian.
Complementarianism can be summarized by the phrase: “divinely equal but relationally different.” It understands that men and women have different inherent characteristics in culture and relationships. For example, men are generally more protective while women are generally more nurturing. Egalitarianism, on the other hand, can be summarized by the phrase: “divinely equal and relationally whole.” For a Christian living in strict complementarianism, marriage is a means through which one is made whole and the spouse becomes the second half, the complement, which creates a whole person. This has been the traditionally understood “biblical gender role” for men and women and when taken to it’s logical conclusion, it easy to see how marriage has become a huge focal point in Christian living.
On the other hand, egalitarians see men and women as both divinely equal (created in the image of God) but also relationally whole. Instead of two halves coming together to make one whole, it is two wholes coming together to make one whole. It’s genuinely two becoming one. Preaching egalitarianism creates worth for both men and women who are single for a time or who are called to singleness. It also creates a framework through which the church can speak about biblical passages, like 1 Corinthians 7.
It is this discussion that is missing from Altared and it is the missing foundation that causes the rest of the book feel like a house constructed from a deck of cards. There are truths and good principles that the reader can take away from Altared but overall had much that was lacking.
© Ryan Vanderland 2012
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